All Up in It with coach SB Rawz
finding connection by ditching belonging with Jennifer O'Grady
Episode Summary
Jennifer O’Grady didn’t realize she was inviting others to call her out on where she was unconsciously and habitually othering but now that it’s happening, she’s leaning into the learnings with curiosity, gratitude, and a whole lot of courage.
Episode Notes
About Jennifer O’Grady | she/her, coach, mom, white-skinned, multi-racial, cis-gender, hetero, neuro-typical
Jennifer is a life-long Chicagoan, human raising 3 other humans and a lover of office supplies. Her oxygen is creating connection and collaboration which she cultivates through one-on-one coaching, facilitating The WELL (Women Engaged in Life) and offering safe space for all of life to be experienced, shared and elevated.
Learn more at www.alifeallin.com
Jennifer spotlighted It’s a place for women and non-binary people to be witnessed; Anne's Haven provides unconfined space to women, girls, and nonbinary people of all ethnic, racial, sexual, and religious identities. Our center offers a vibrant environment through which people can learn from and support one another through their spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial, emotional, professional, and social development journeys.
Lean more at http://www.anneshaven.net/
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All Up in It is a project by coach SB Rawz focused on telling stories of growth and change from the thick of learning. Learn more about SB, coaching with her, & her projects at https://rawzcoaching.com
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- Jennifer O’Grady is finishing a program in somatic coaching
- She’s exploring her cis-gender, heterosexual, white-skinned, woman, multi-racial, neuro-typical container in this world as a politically liberal person navigating and using her privilege as a coach, mom, friend… (whew!) – and she’s all up in how this awareness and action is unfurling in her life
- A recent beautiful and hard conversation with one of her kids (who is neuro-divergent, like her siblings and father) helped her see both she’s been unconsciously inviting others to call her out on her unconscious biases
- Jen tells a story of a coaching session with a woman of color that cracked open for Jen how her white skin can actually be a tool for helping others feel seen and witnessed – and how she could have chosen to leave the space but that her client couldn’t
- We explored the different flavors of words like “ally” and “collaborator” and “co-conspirator” and touched on the experience of having the privilege that comes from being able to pass if we so choose (Jen as white-skinned, me as straight) and also the desire to be seen for the fullness of our intersections of identity
- Jennifer spotlights Myisha T Hill as a person she learns from and from whom she first heard the idea of being a co-conspirator as a white-skinned person
- Connection – real connection – is a huge part of what drives Jen and that often that connection comes not from speaking but from consciously not speaking
- What she’s all up in – the thick of her learning curve – is having her eyes open to all of these areas of privilege and moving from safe space to brave space
- I brought in my thoughts about how being in the middle third of my life has given me an unexpected bonus privilege of seeming innocuous as a white, middle-aged woman
- Jennifer speaks a bit about having been raised by a Scandinavian mom and Puerto Rican dad and seeing her dad experience micro-aggressions that she, until recently, reactively downplayed
- We touched into how the importance of centering connecting in her life means giving up her trauma-based grasping of belonging… which leads a lack of greater belonging and connection (I referenced Ubuntu which I invite you to learn more about in this TEDx Talk by Getrude Matsche)
- Jen added on this beautiful image of belonging/connection related to trees and their inextricable, absolutely necessary interconnection, by way of mycelium, underground)
- Tools that are helping her navigate this learning curve include radical honesty and radical compassion when she gets it wrong; and especially leaning into the connections she has to create more connection
- She noted that we don’t know how to be witnessed (though we crave it) and so we are lacking the tools to fully witness others in their grief and pain
- Anne’s Haven is the non-profit that Jennifer spotlighted. It’s a place for women and non-binary people to be witnessed; Anne's Haven provides unconfined space to women, girls, and nonbinary people of all ethnic, racial, sexual, and religious identities. Our center offers a vibrant environment through which people can learn from and support one another through their spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial, emotional, professional, and social development journeys.